Strive to be the best of all your worlds, or so I said.
I was the one who encouraged people that they could be great on all the fronts of their lives-spiritual, mental, social, psychological…
But how did I find myself in this shallow shrink?
All I feel is worthlessness…
Each time I take one step ahead, I feel like I fall 10steps behind.
I’m constantly worrying,
I had heard the words, “you are useless”, so much that I had started to believe them.
I started to believe that I was ‘good for nothing’, like mum said.
‘You are so lazy’, she said. I grew up hearing it and slowly, I heard myself telling people, “wo, I don’t have strength. I’m tired” and little by little, I had built my life on the foundation of such words.
I try really hard to please them but I am never enough. I guess that’s my problem; I try to please others so much that I forget myself.
What am I to do though, when I was born in an African setting? A setting where you’re groomed to serve others and most likely, neglect yourself. A setting where a woman is groomed to be a “good wife” as what use is a woman if she fails in her marriage?
Millions of African women find themselves in the same space: trying so hard to please the husband, take care of the home and be the best mother but who looks after them? Who looks after my mental well being? Who asks, ‘are you okay? ‘You can talk to me’.
The pressure sets in from such an early age and literally continues till the cold-ice hands of death beckon forth. A setting where if you could not cook all the meals of your tribe, you were considered unfit for “husband house”.
A setting where marriage seems to be the ultimate crown of a woman’s success. A woman is considered useless if she doesn’t end up married and successful at it, as well. ‘You have a BSc, MSc or PhD but have no husband. What’s the use? Who will marry you now? Men would be so put off by your success and how much you have. You better don’t go to church or out at all, with that your Jeep. Which man will toast you after seeing that’?
We are taught to never deny our husbands, “night food” and it gets me wondering if sex wasn’t created to be enjoyed by both man and woman !
So, I wake up to, “is this how you’ll do in your husband’s house? I’m in mine and I know what my eyes are seeing. You will soon enter your own and face the music”.
The words, ‘You know you’re not a man’, constantly plague the film of my mind. Why are we conditioned to think that every marriage must have problems and troubles? Is a marriage void of pain, tears and unhappiness, not a marriage? Is knowledge of how to do good scrubbing of the toilets and kitchen, a good mastery of cooking, endless sacrifices for your children and husband and most likely at the neglect of yourself, the ultimate jobs of a woman? Are these what a woman is born for?
I wonder if Hillary Clinton scrubs the house and cooks all the American meals every day before leaving to smash at the workplace. I’m wondering if Michelle Obama takes care of Barrack and the kids only to neglect herself. Oprah don’t have no husband but she damn successful! insert Madea’s voice here… Many African women would say, “I do all these and I’m successful at my work”, but then, again, Success is Relative.
I am in no way, saying that a woman should be useless at the home front, but is the marital home supposed to be the ultimate goal of a woman, in life? Please let me hear your thoughts in the comments section below.
Styled by Tomi for BettyFayonner
Photographed by Bolarinwa for SmoothPixel Photography
Till my next post,
Always reflect God’s perfection xx.
Sharing Happiness one Brand at a time,